Bless the Lord, O My Soul

The last few weeks have been long ones. Picture, if you will, being a stay-at-home mom with no mode of transportation during the day, cold, rainy/snowy, freezing, cloudy days and…

  • A fussy, teething little boy who is beginning to get frustrated by his lack of coordination to accomplish feats which, for a 16-month-old, are really nearly impossible, OR who is slowly beginning to actually accomplish such feats, resulting in many bumps, bruises, spills, and near-disasters…
  • The start of a long, difficult transition from two naps to one, which has resulted in a completely mixed-up schedule and the ensuing crankiness (on the part of both Oliver and his mama)
  • A husband who is taking a master’s class that, in addition to class time, requires hours and hours of detailed, tedious, computational mathematics/physics homework on nights and weekends
  • No family. No nursery. No babysitters.
  • The constant, underlying anxiety about the antigens in my blood, the new baby, and whether or not everything is and will be ok
  • A lot of back-and-forth to the doctor’s office (which, with only one car, a husband who works full time & needs to be dropped off and picked up, and a toddler to tote back and forth, is no small task).  Today’s trip was for an early glucose test because I am high-risk and because Oliver was so big – so I get to do the glucose test now AND at 26-28 weeks. Fun, fun.
I think you get the picture. Don’t get me wrong, I am ever so thankful for watchful doctors, for testing that will monitor our new little one, and for modern medicine. And I am determined to do what it takes to keep both me, and the baby safe. And, I love Oliver to pieces…but there have been some long days and weeks lately. I am longing for Spring, longing for sunshine, longing to be closer to family, and praying that we make it through until we can get a 2nd vehicle. I have been weary. Physically, emotionally…weary.
And yet, somehow in the midst of it all, the song 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman has become my anthem lately. I’ll include a link below in case you haven’t heard it or want to listen again. I’d highly recommend it. Here is just a portion:

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes
Oh how I can relate to the Psalmist who said: “Why so downcast O my soul? Put your hope in God!” It almost seems an odd thing to say, but in days or weeks of weariness, in the midst of hardship or trouble, in the days of waiting for test results, wondering if the little one inside of me is ok…I can relate. I understand having to TELL myself to TRUST. To HOPE. To WORSHIP. To SING. To PRAISE. On the days when these things would not seem to naturally just bubble out of a happy, contented heart, I can still make that choice. 
When I walked in the door tonight, tired after a long afternoon at the doctor’s office, I was greeted by a little boy with graham crackers and milk dripping off his chin, who was eager to grab my cheeks with his grubby fingers and give me a big old slobbery kiss – babbling all the while in his own little language about who knows what. As I kissed his forehead and grabbed a napkin to wipe my cheeks, I peered over Oliver’s head at Sam and smiled…This is MY family, I thought. God’s precious, precious gifts to me. 
I have been tired, yes. My soul has felt weary these past few weeks. But I have been given SO MUCH. And so I choose to worship, choose to focus on those slobbery kisses and sweet hugs, choose to believe that God is protecting and guarding our new little one, and choose to say, day in and day out:
Bless the Lord, O my soul!!
Note: I technically should be making my grocery list right now, but tonight I just had to get my thoughts on paper – (er, computer?). Even as I type, I can feel the rolls, kicks, and jabs of this new little one inside of me (who is already proving to be just as active as his/her older brother was in the womb). What an incredible miracle new life is! We’re almost at the halfway point now; I will be 20 weeks on Tuesday and my ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday. I can’t wait to get a peek at this precious little one that I love so much already. We’ll also have an update on my antigen levels next week for those of you who have been praying, so stay tuned!

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