I don’t know how many times I’ve said those words. Probably too many times. No, scratch that, definitely too many times. Yesterday, Sam and I were talking about dreams and callings, and I realized that I, like most, have desires buried deep inside my heart that I am too hesitant to do anything about. I realized just how afraid I was when Sam began to encourage me with: “But babe, you have such a knack for that!” and I immediately shot down each sentence of encouragement with something along the lines of:
“Well, I’m not as good as ________”
“The world doesn’t need another person who is “ok” at that… I don’t want to just be ok. I want to be good. And I’m not good. I could never be REALLY good.”
The more he tried to encourage me, the more discouraged I became. I twisted and changed and argued everything he said until I felt that I had clearly displayed my inadequacies. In seeing the look of exasperation on his face as he tried desperately to listen and encourage me despite my obvious prickly-ness over the issue (yea, he’s the best), I came to realize something. I’ve been trapped.
Trapped in thinking that I am not ________ enough. I’m not talented enough. I’m not creative enough. I’m not athletic enough. I’m not thin enough. I’m not….well, I’m not enough. I’m enough to be ok, but not enough to be good. And that is just NOT good enough.
At church the other night, the guest speaker, Dr. Mike Brown, was talking about the favor of God. He spoke of the favor of God displayed through granted desires, productivity, new life, supernatural insight and direction, insight, and prosperity (to put it in a nutshell). He told a story of a man who had a desire to begin a business, wrote out the plans, showed them to a consultant, and was shut down. “This will never work,” they said. And so, he boxed them up (5 boxes worth of hard work, planning, and dreaming), placed them in the attic, and forgot about them. That is, until a preacher stopped in the middle of his message one day and said: “There is someone here who has plans for a business, but they’re in the attic in 5 boxes. Take them out, revise them, and bring them to someone who can help you implement them.” Yea, 4 million dollars later… wow.
Sometimes it’s easy for me to trust God for the “God-type” aspects of my life. And, I don’t think I’m alone in this. I mean, come on, we can trust that he can provide, protect, guide, teach, and even heal. . . but for some reason, when it comes to day-to-day life, we tend to rely on our abilities rather than his. When it comes to our daily tasks or even our dreams, we tend to see them through a lens of what we know, our abilities, our training and supply, and how we perceive ourselves.
If we have a God who can not only provide for our every need, but also speak creativity, insight, direction, and supernatural life into EVERYTHING we set our hands to do…why do we not ask him to? We spend 4, 6, 8, 10 years in college getting our degrees so that we are “qualified” to do what we want to do. We spend hours and hours in practice, preparation, and training. We might be “ok” at what we do, we might even be “good” at it. However, good just won’t cut it. Not in my life. Here’s why:
If we are who we say we are as Christians, and the power and life of Christ are at work in us, and the Holy Spirit is a part of our lives, guiding us, directing us, working through us…then there should be no comparison between what we are able to accomplish and what the world is able to accomplish. Our businesses should run better. Our art should be more gripping, more beautiful. Our music should be a higher quality. Our schools, our homes, our kitchens, our families, our finances, our lives, our inventions, our relationships, our books, our ides… I mean, come on! The CREATOR of the universe, who’s works are clearly displayed and too great to fathom, is at work in us!! Why should he not work through us?!
I may not be enough, but God is more than enough. And I do not think I ask for his help, his guidance, his creativity, and his wisdom often enough.